There are days it seems as if God's path for me is so obvious, then there are days when I feel as if I am flailing in the wind. Seems as though lately the latter has been more norm for me. During these times I am so thankful that I serve a God Who never changes. He is truly the One constant in my life--even when He chooses to shake things up a bit.
As the new school year begins, so do our youth programs. This is always an exciting time of year for both the leaders and the kiddos. Because our youth programs do not run during the summer, it is so much fun to reconnect with the children and teens. A fresh year lies ahead and the prospect of watching a child or teen come to know Jesus fills me with seam-bursting excitement! But, this year I am also filled with a little heartache.
I stepped out of youth ministry in January so I could deal with some personal issues. My plate was full with homeschooling and my college classes and I was dealing with some hurt that needed to be resolved before I could continue working with the youth. However, as summer drew near and some healing had occurred I was anxious to get back to the youth. I had missed them terribly! I was still teaching Sunday School, so I was able to stay connected to some of them, but it wasn't enough--I couldn't wait to be fully submersed in youth ministry once more. But, I had also been asked to help with our children's ministry, Jump. I said I would think about it and pray about it, but I was positive I would end up with the teens again. After all, that is where my passion is.
After much thought and prayer I will be working with Jump this year and I have to say--I have mixed feelings about it. I am excited to work with children who are excited to learn about Jesus! They love hearing stories about people in the Bible and it is fun to teach them how to apply those stories to their lives. What a privilege it is to be given the opportunity to shape the life of a child. And, these children are the future student leaders of our church. Exciting! On the other hand, I will miss the teens....immensely. After 5 years of teaching Jr/Sr high Sunday School I will no longer be teaching....and my heart hurts every time I think about it. I will have absolutely no connection to the teens. Yet, I still feel called, maybe more than ever, to youth ministry.
I do not understand this seemingly strange path that God has me on, but I do know that I will follow Him no matter where He leads. I think I have an idea why He is taking me on this ride, but I am seldom correct when I think I know and understand why God--Who's thoughts and ways are so much higher than mine--does something in my life. So, I am along for the ride..praying for His peace and guidance as I embark on this journey.
August 31, 2010
June 14, 2010
Standing in the Gap
Friday was tough!
I spent the morning and early afternoon inside a courthouse for a reason that nobody should ever have to be in a courthouse. I was lending moral support to a 15 year old girl who was giving a deposition about how her dad had molested her.
I arrived while the family was in with a family crisis counselor and as I sat in the deserted hallway of the warm, old courthouse, I struggled to wrap my mind around what was happening. As I waited for this brave, young lady and her family to come to the second floor, I prayed to God to help me understand why this was happening: "No child should ever have to do this! Why, Lord?" But I did not receive an answer as to why. What He did tell me was this "I will take their ashes and make them beautiful. I will use them to bring glory to My name." Once again I remembered how limited my understanding is and that His ways are not ours. Then, I heard footsteps.
When I looked up I saw two men approaching the top of the staircase. One was an older gentlemen dressed in a suit--definitely a lawyer. The other was a nice looking man, tan with sandy brown hair. As our eyes met, I gave them a slight smile and suddenly a feeling of sickness washed over me--that is her dad. I had never seen him before and really didn't know what to expect, but somehow--I thought he would look different; demented....psychotic....something other than normal, but I was wrong. I wanted to take my smile back! He didn't deserve it!!! What kind of animal does this to another human being--his own daughter? I could feel the anger start to well and then that Still Small Voice.......
God gently reminded me that this man needs prayer--probably more than anyone. Immediately my heart softened and I began to pray for the softening of his heart so that he may encounter the God of the Universe and live a life that honors Him and the daughter he has hurt so badly.
Friday was tough as I watched this young lady and her mom go through a myriad of emotions and even went through some of my own. I am incredibly honored and humbled that this family is allowing me to stand in the gap for them and travel this road with them; And, I find a peace that surpasses all understanding in knowing that this brave, young lady has a Father who loves her and has great plans for her!
I spent the morning and early afternoon inside a courthouse for a reason that nobody should ever have to be in a courthouse. I was lending moral support to a 15 year old girl who was giving a deposition about how her dad had molested her.
I arrived while the family was in with a family crisis counselor and as I sat in the deserted hallway of the warm, old courthouse, I struggled to wrap my mind around what was happening. As I waited for this brave, young lady and her family to come to the second floor, I prayed to God to help me understand why this was happening: "No child should ever have to do this! Why, Lord?" But I did not receive an answer as to why. What He did tell me was this "I will take their ashes and make them beautiful. I will use them to bring glory to My name." Once again I remembered how limited my understanding is and that His ways are not ours. Then, I heard footsteps.
When I looked up I saw two men approaching the top of the staircase. One was an older gentlemen dressed in a suit--definitely a lawyer. The other was a nice looking man, tan with sandy brown hair. As our eyes met, I gave them a slight smile and suddenly a feeling of sickness washed over me--that is her dad. I had never seen him before and really didn't know what to expect, but somehow--I thought he would look different; demented....psychotic....something other than normal, but I was wrong. I wanted to take my smile back! He didn't deserve it!!! What kind of animal does this to another human being--his own daughter? I could feel the anger start to well and then that Still Small Voice.......
God gently reminded me that this man needs prayer--probably more than anyone. Immediately my heart softened and I began to pray for the softening of his heart so that he may encounter the God of the Universe and live a life that honors Him and the daughter he has hurt so badly.
Friday was tough as I watched this young lady and her mom go through a myriad of emotions and even went through some of my own. I am incredibly honored and humbled that this family is allowing me to stand in the gap for them and travel this road with them; And, I find a peace that surpasses all understanding in knowing that this brave, young lady has a Father who loves her and has great plans for her!
May 29, 2010
Weeds!
With spring here, and summer well on its way, everything is in full swing. Flowers are in bloom, trees are erupting with leaves, and all of God's creation seems to be exploding with life. Even the things we wish would just go away.....like weeds!
Weeds seem to serve no purpose. They rise up and choke the plants that are supposed to be growing and flourishing by robbing them of the nutrients that are vital to their growth. Weeds have no regard to the well being of the other plants, they are simply concerned with taking over the area in which they are spreading--until the entire area looks just like that weed.
I am finding that, sadly, sometimes people are like weeds. They are unconcerned with the purpose and roles of others and rob them of the nutrients they need to grow. Nutrients like grace, mercy, forgiveness, love, and compassion. Instead, the weeds rise up and attempt to choke others into believing what they believe, so eventually, everyone who is in contact with that weed will look just like it.
I have had some people in my life who are weeds, but thankfully, God is an amazing Gardner. He is revealing those people for who they are and removing them from my life. Now, I can continue to thrive in the ways and areas HE has called me to. He is replenishing my life with people who provide the nutrients that I, and every one of His children, need in order to fully serve Him. With every weed He extracts, He plants a new seed--and those seeds have grown into beautiful plants that I am so thankful for. Plants that not only stand beside me, but also help me to grow.
Thank You, Lord for tending to the garden of my life. Thank You for weeding out the plants that are harmful to Your Kingdom and for replacing them with plants that show Your grace and beauty!
Weeds seem to serve no purpose. They rise up and choke the plants that are supposed to be growing and flourishing by robbing them of the nutrients that are vital to their growth. Weeds have no regard to the well being of the other plants, they are simply concerned with taking over the area in which they are spreading--until the entire area looks just like that weed.
I am finding that, sadly, sometimes people are like weeds. They are unconcerned with the purpose and roles of others and rob them of the nutrients they need to grow. Nutrients like grace, mercy, forgiveness, love, and compassion. Instead, the weeds rise up and attempt to choke others into believing what they believe, so eventually, everyone who is in contact with that weed will look just like it.
I have had some people in my life who are weeds, but thankfully, God is an amazing Gardner. He is revealing those people for who they are and removing them from my life. Now, I can continue to thrive in the ways and areas HE has called me to. He is replenishing my life with people who provide the nutrients that I, and every one of His children, need in order to fully serve Him. With every weed He extracts, He plants a new seed--and those seeds have grown into beautiful plants that I am so thankful for. Plants that not only stand beside me, but also help me to grow.
Thank You, Lord for tending to the garden of my life. Thank You for weeding out the plants that are harmful to Your Kingdom and for replacing them with plants that show Your grace and beauty!
October 7, 2009
Dropping My Net....Part 1
In 2002 I was looking for a house to buy. I had been living with my mom and dad after my husband and I divorced. I wanted to stay close to them, but felt ready to be out on my own.
Behind my folks' house sat a brown and yellow-tudor style-stucco house. There was a great view of the house from my folks' hallway upstairs. There was a little elderly couple that lived there and I always wondered what that house looked like on the inside. I should have been a realtor. I am fascinated by homes and can usually find something charming about every home. No matter how ugly or worn down it appears. However, this house was not ugly and was very charming from the outside. Then, one day.....it was for sale!
I couldn't believe it! Are you kidding me? I had only been a Christian for about 4 months and I was convinced that God had arranged this! He wanted me to have this house! I called my realtor and asked to see it. She set up a time and my mom and I met her over there. I was stunned when we entered the home. It was as beautiful inside as it was outside. The woodwork was in great condition, there was a gorgeous sunroom that boasted 10 windows, all of the closets were big, the kitchen was perfect, the basement was finished, the possibilities were endless! I wanted this house! I inquired about how much the sellers were asking and again....I knew this was a gift from God! It was CHEAP! Apparently, the elderly couple went into nursing homes and the kids just wanted out from under the house. Everything was starting to fall into place.....until.......
I work for an insurance company and I am licensed in property and casualty. Which means....I write auto and home insurance. About a week after finding my 'dream home', we received a call from one of our clients. Their daughter and her family were moving to town and buying a home and they needed homeowners insurance. I asked for the address of the house they were buying and when they gave it to me, I could immediately feel the sting as tears welled in my eyes. They were buying my 'dream home'. They had already put in an offer and it had been accepted. I cried a lot over that house, but my new found faith in Jesus kept things in perspective. I knew there was a reason that I wasn't getting that house.
The couple who bought the house were around my age and had a couple of kids who were close in age to my children. We became friends fast and I would always give them a hard time about buying my house. They began attending the same church I attend and soon we were spending lots of time together. By the time I found a house to rent in 2003, our families were very close. I only moved down the street so we still spent weekends and evenings hanging out. In 2004, Dan and Lori felt the Lord calling them to foster children. My daughter, Amber, was one of the children that was placed in their home.
In July of 2005, I had already taken in Amber when my landlords decided to sell the house that we were renting. I was completely bummed! Even though the house was small, it was in a good neighborhood and just down the street from my folks. However, my faith was strong and I knew that God would provide the perfect place for my children and myself.
My folks, the kids and I, and my daughters paternal grandparents went to Disneyland in August of 2005. As we talked one day, I told them about our housing situation. Their response was completely unexpected......they wanted to buy us a house. I couldn't believe it. As soon as we got home I began looking at houses. There were several nice homes on the market, but truthfully none of them measured up to the one home I loved.....my 'dream house'. I knew Dan and Lori had talked about selling their house, but I also knew they hadn't meant right this minute. However, I decided to approach them anyway. Their response was what I had expected. They weren't quite ready. So, I continued the search. I found a couple that I really liked, but there was always something wrong with them that was going to end up costing me money.
One day, after church service was over, I decided to approach Lori again. I hadn't found anything I loved and time was running out. This was my last ditch effort. I asked, again, if they would pray about selling their home. Immediately, Lori was in tears and I felt awful. Later, I would find out that my offer to buy their home was an answer to their prayers. They agreed to sell.
In November of 2005, I moved into my 'dream home'. A home that God had provided 3 years after I thought it was gone forever. A couple of weeks ago, as I sat in my living room looking around my house, I couldn't help but praise God for allowing me such a beautiful home. I am a single mom with a low paying job. I am living at poverty level. Yet, here I was sitting in a home that is in a good neighborhood, right behind my folks, and has everything I have ever wanted.
I am constantly amazed at how God provides. Even when His provision takes us to places we weren't prepared to go...........
Behind my folks' house sat a brown and yellow-tudor style-stucco house. There was a great view of the house from my folks' hallway upstairs. There was a little elderly couple that lived there and I always wondered what that house looked like on the inside. I should have been a realtor. I am fascinated by homes and can usually find something charming about every home. No matter how ugly or worn down it appears. However, this house was not ugly and was very charming from the outside. Then, one day.....it was for sale!
I couldn't believe it! Are you kidding me? I had only been a Christian for about 4 months and I was convinced that God had arranged this! He wanted me to have this house! I called my realtor and asked to see it. She set up a time and my mom and I met her over there. I was stunned when we entered the home. It was as beautiful inside as it was outside. The woodwork was in great condition, there was a gorgeous sunroom that boasted 10 windows, all of the closets were big, the kitchen was perfect, the basement was finished, the possibilities were endless! I wanted this house! I inquired about how much the sellers were asking and again....I knew this was a gift from God! It was CHEAP! Apparently, the elderly couple went into nursing homes and the kids just wanted out from under the house. Everything was starting to fall into place.....until.......
I work for an insurance company and I am licensed in property and casualty. Which means....I write auto and home insurance. About a week after finding my 'dream home', we received a call from one of our clients. Their daughter and her family were moving to town and buying a home and they needed homeowners insurance. I asked for the address of the house they were buying and when they gave it to me, I could immediately feel the sting as tears welled in my eyes. They were buying my 'dream home'. They had already put in an offer and it had been accepted. I cried a lot over that house, but my new found faith in Jesus kept things in perspective. I knew there was a reason that I wasn't getting that house.
The couple who bought the house were around my age and had a couple of kids who were close in age to my children. We became friends fast and I would always give them a hard time about buying my house. They began attending the same church I attend and soon we were spending lots of time together. By the time I found a house to rent in 2003, our families were very close. I only moved down the street so we still spent weekends and evenings hanging out. In 2004, Dan and Lori felt the Lord calling them to foster children. My daughter, Amber, was one of the children that was placed in their home.
In July of 2005, I had already taken in Amber when my landlords decided to sell the house that we were renting. I was completely bummed! Even though the house was small, it was in a good neighborhood and just down the street from my folks. However, my faith was strong and I knew that God would provide the perfect place for my children and myself.
My folks, the kids and I, and my daughters paternal grandparents went to Disneyland in August of 2005. As we talked one day, I told them about our housing situation. Their response was completely unexpected......they wanted to buy us a house. I couldn't believe it. As soon as we got home I began looking at houses. There were several nice homes on the market, but truthfully none of them measured up to the one home I loved.....my 'dream house'. I knew Dan and Lori had talked about selling their house, but I also knew they hadn't meant right this minute. However, I decided to approach them anyway. Their response was what I had expected. They weren't quite ready. So, I continued the search. I found a couple that I really liked, but there was always something wrong with them that was going to end up costing me money.
One day, after church service was over, I decided to approach Lori again. I hadn't found anything I loved and time was running out. This was my last ditch effort. I asked, again, if they would pray about selling their home. Immediately, Lori was in tears and I felt awful. Later, I would find out that my offer to buy their home was an answer to their prayers. They agreed to sell.
In November of 2005, I moved into my 'dream home'. A home that God had provided 3 years after I thought it was gone forever. A couple of weeks ago, as I sat in my living room looking around my house, I couldn't help but praise God for allowing me such a beautiful home. I am a single mom with a low paying job. I am living at poverty level. Yet, here I was sitting in a home that is in a good neighborhood, right behind my folks, and has everything I have ever wanted.
I am constantly amazed at how God provides. Even when His provision takes us to places we weren't prepared to go...........
Dropping My Net....Part 2
For the past couple of years I have had the feeling that God is preparing me for a big change. I have been discontent in my job, yearning to stay home with my kids, and extremely passionate about working with teens. However, no matter how strong these desires were or how discontent I have been with my job, I have stayed put. Feet planted. Stubbornly? I don't think so. Fearfully? definitely. Not fearful of change (well, maybe a little;), but more fearful of being out of God's will for my life. I've been there before and I gotta say.....it's not pretty! Plus, to be completely honest, I just couldn't figure out how in the world I was going to be able to quit my job and stay home with my children. I thought God had given me the answer in this post, but after everything our family went through with Amber, well, I just couldn't go there again. At least, not right now.
As the New Year began I made a promise to God. Not a resolution that was meant to be broke, but a promise that.......I would follow wherever He leads. I would give up anything He asked me to. I would 'drop my net' so to speak and follow Jesus. I knew 3 things for sure: 1) I was to quit my job 2) I was to stay home with my children 3) I am to work with the youth. I couldn't imagine how this was going to happen. However, God did whisper a few words of encouragement.....something along the lines of......."Nothing is going to happen if you never step out and trust me." Ahem. OK. Sooooooo....maybe He had a point.
I set May as my deadline for quitting my job. I had no idea what I was going to do, but I knew that I couldn't do anything else while working 40 hours a week. I planned to get a part time job in May, but I have to be honest....I just couldn't figure out how it would work. I am struggling to make it right now, working full time. I decided not to worry about it and handed that part over to the One it belongs to. God has been extremely faithful in providing for our family. I knew He would make this happen. I also filled out a FAFSA (student grant/loan) application so I could begin online classes in June. Then, I layed everything in His hands. I didn't know when and I couldn't have imagined how, but I knew He would provide.
Last Monday I received a phone call from my daughters paternal grandparents. Their business' have not been doing well and they called to tell me that they would have to sell my house. I was devastated. The tears began to flow as I thought about the memories we have built in that home. Where are we going to live? What are we going to do? I called my folks and told them and sent out a prayer request to my small group. We had to be out of the house by March 31st. That gave me right around 2 months to find a place and move.....in the worst part of winter.
As I began to wallow in self pity, I received an email from my mom. She gently, lovingly reminded me of the prayers I had been praying to God. She told me that her and my dad had been talking and that they had a plan to make room for the kiddo's and I to stay with them. Since I would have no bills, this would allow me to quit my job, stay home with my kiddo's, and go to school. The tears began to flow again. This time, in awe of my God Who had been patiently waiting for me to drop my net and truly follow Him.
The other day, a friend from church stopped by the office. She wanted to get auto insurance for her son. As we chatted, I told her that I planned on leaving the insurance company in May. Turns out that she is in need of a personal assistant.....starting in May. The work will be part time and the biggest majority of it.....I will be able to do from home. I gave my notice to my boss a couple of days ago and plan on April 30th being my last day.
I am still sad about losing the house that I have loved for so long. However, the joy of being able to fulfill God's will for my life is far outweighing the sadness. He is teaching me to let go of the temporary things of this world and to run after the things that will last. With every step I take He confirms that His hand is over me and that I am making the right choice. He is so intimate.
I love you, Lord. I Thank You for all You have given, but I praise You for all You have taken. You are so good.
As the New Year began I made a promise to God. Not a resolution that was meant to be broke, but a promise that.......I would follow wherever He leads. I would give up anything He asked me to. I would 'drop my net' so to speak and follow Jesus. I knew 3 things for sure: 1) I was to quit my job 2) I was to stay home with my children 3) I am to work with the youth. I couldn't imagine how this was going to happen. However, God did whisper a few words of encouragement.....something along the lines of......."Nothing is going to happen if you never step out and trust me." Ahem. OK. Sooooooo....maybe He had a point.
I set May as my deadline for quitting my job. I had no idea what I was going to do, but I knew that I couldn't do anything else while working 40 hours a week. I planned to get a part time job in May, but I have to be honest....I just couldn't figure out how it would work. I am struggling to make it right now, working full time. I decided not to worry about it and handed that part over to the One it belongs to. God has been extremely faithful in providing for our family. I knew He would make this happen. I also filled out a FAFSA (student grant/loan) application so I could begin online classes in June. Then, I layed everything in His hands. I didn't know when and I couldn't have imagined how, but I knew He would provide.
Last Monday I received a phone call from my daughters paternal grandparents. Their business' have not been doing well and they called to tell me that they would have to sell my house. I was devastated. The tears began to flow as I thought about the memories we have built in that home. Where are we going to live? What are we going to do? I called my folks and told them and sent out a prayer request to my small group. We had to be out of the house by March 31st. That gave me right around 2 months to find a place and move.....in the worst part of winter.
As I began to wallow in self pity, I received an email from my mom. She gently, lovingly reminded me of the prayers I had been praying to God. She told me that her and my dad had been talking and that they had a plan to make room for the kiddo's and I to stay with them. Since I would have no bills, this would allow me to quit my job, stay home with my kiddo's, and go to school. The tears began to flow again. This time, in awe of my God Who had been patiently waiting for me to drop my net and truly follow Him.
The other day, a friend from church stopped by the office. She wanted to get auto insurance for her son. As we chatted, I told her that I planned on leaving the insurance company in May. Turns out that she is in need of a personal assistant.....starting in May. The work will be part time and the biggest majority of it.....I will be able to do from home. I gave my notice to my boss a couple of days ago and plan on April 30th being my last day.
I am still sad about losing the house that I have loved for so long. However, the joy of being able to fulfill God's will for my life is far outweighing the sadness. He is teaching me to let go of the temporary things of this world and to run after the things that will last. With every step I take He confirms that His hand is over me and that I am making the right choice. He is so intimate.
I love you, Lord. I Thank You for all You have given, but I praise You for all You have taken. You are so good.
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