Two Years Later....

In less than a month, I will begin my senior year of college. I would like to say that I no longer doubt and ask God to confirm my call, but--well, it is a sin to lie. As a matter of fact, it was only a few weeks ago that I asked God to confirm His call once more. And, because He loves me--He did.

There is not enough time to put into words all that God has taught me over the past two years; the word intense may be an understatement. In a nutshell, I have learned: I am broken. I am relationally challenged, and ministry....well, come to find out....is all about relationships. Ummmm.....see why I question His call? :)

The past two years have been filled with good relationships and bad relationships. I have learned how to confront and be confronted. I have learned when to speak and when to stay silent (Well, sometimes I fail at that, but I'm a work in progress). And, most importantly, I have learned that NO relationship is as important as the one I share with Jesus. At the end of the day--He must be my everything. C.S. Lewis wrote:

"Every poet and musician, but for Grace, is drawn away from love of the thing he tells, to love of the telling till, down in Deep Hell, they cannot be interested in God at all but only in what they say about Him. For it doesn’t stop… you know. They sink lower – become interested in their own personalities and then in nothing but their own reputations."

The love of the telling! It is easy to do. I did it for years. I have spoken Jesus to my children, others' children, teens, adults, and everyone in between. Yet, often...I was more in love with the telling of Jesus...than Jesus Himself. What a dangerous place to be in ministry. It is the place I fear the most. So....

I am dedicating this year to God--Spiritually, Physically, and Emotionally. I am on a quest to be healthy in every area of my life...no matter how hard that may be. Because...I want Jesus to be my everything and I want to be ready to go where He calls and do what He asks.

Time is drawing near....the clock is ticking....graduation is around the corner. For now...I will bloom where I am planted and I will absorb all the nutrients I can--until Jesus plucks me from this place and replants me elsewhere to bloom and grow. All the while...I will stay connected to the Vine that sustains me.

"I am the vine; you are the branches. 

The one who remains in Me and I in him produces much fruit, 

because you can do nothing without Me."

John 15:5